Let's see, where was I? In the essence of time Psalms 144:4 says, "for they are like a breadth of air; their days are like a passing shadow." What we take for granted is the time we have on this earth, which is so short. We do not realize how short until the days when we get older and we see those around us starting to perish. That is when reality hits. Am I here for a long time? Sometimes I think I will take after my grandmother who lived to be in her 80's. The thought of that scares me more that if I knew I was leaving this earth tomorrow.
I pray I do not have to endure this earth no longer than needed. I think to myself I still have lots to do. Make scrapbooks for the kids and do my journalism to leave them a legacy. I also have to finish the book I started many years ago. I guess the Lord is not finished with me yet and I respect that. I just do not understand why he took Drew so early. He had plans too.
I know I am not the only one who has lost a child to an untimely death and yes, I am on a pity party right now. But, I think I am worth that much, the process of grief comes in many forms and does not take place in any order, it just comes.
I can not help but ask myself, did I spend enough time with Drew? Did I do enough things with him? Did I make time for him? I built my world around my children, or I would not be where I am today. I gave up a good career to stay with them when they were little, be there when they got home from school.
But, there is always something to upset the balance of life, and those are the regrets we make for ourselves. People say don't live in the past or you cannot move forward. Well, after 52 years in this world, I think I deserve to live a little in the past right now. I may not stay there forever, but I am going to enjoy it while I can. Reflections when life was so simple and even. Yes, I just want to live in the past for a little while.
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