It seems just like yesterday that the kids were all small, going to school. Coming home from school, fixing dinner and homework, laundry and bedtime stories. Life seemed chaotic at that moment, but now when I look back it was the best time of my life. And, Lord, I do wish I could go back.
My Drew would be alive, and everything would be OK. I cannot imagine the rest of my life without him, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can not bring him back, I can't take it back, the rest of my life just seems meaningless.
I here so many people say that God took their children away from them. It is easy to blame God for every little thing that is disappointing in our life, but this is devastating. Something that changes your life forever, just like when you planned to have children, you knew your life would never be the same, so is it when a parent has to bury one of their own.. It is not suppose to be like that. Parents are suppose to go first. How did I know, how did my perception be so keen? I knew he would not be with me long the day he was born.
And, it is not God's fault, that would make him an unloving, uncaring God. It does say in the Bible that He is a very jealous and vengeful God, but that is old testament.
The evil one is what took my son's life so suddenly and so swiftly, not God. I did not pray the blood of Jesus over him that night. I don' think. Either way, the loss of a child is the worse thing a parent can ever experience I think. Some say there are worse things than death, and I cannot think of anything that is worse that having a child for 18 years, and then having them be snatched away so suddenly.
Now, I get to wonder what he would have looked like five, ten years from now. I will never see his children, (my grandchildren) and he wanted four.
Yea, I feel cheated. But, whose fault is it? Is it mine for not putting my foot down enough? Did I speak this into existence? Is that how it works?
Maybe the Lord will give me some answers in due time, that is all I have to hang on to, is time. Whether it be short or long. Time is what you make of it, don't take it for granted, you never know when time will be the end.
